Missing Julie.....

Have you ever met someone who makes you feel so good about who you are, someone who constantly recognizes your strengths, someone who lights up the room? Then you have met someone like my sister,Julie. She was beautiful inside and out, but seemed oblivious to her own beauty, too busy acknowledging the beauty of those around her. She gave and gave....she adored her children and talked about them constantly.

Sisters. Four sisters interwoven so tightly in each others lives; deeply rooted in each others hearts as a result of a traumatizing childhood. Dependent on each other for unconditional love, guidance, and reassurance. Growing up, sharing a room, sharing clothes and secrets, sharing weddings, pregnancies, adoptions, and the trials and joys of raising our children. We laughed, cried, complained,& rejoiced together. We had bragging rights on our children,s accomplishments and an unspoken pledge of complete trust in each other. Like a quilt sewn together and softened by years of comforting use, we were comfortable and secure in our closeness.

Torn apart. Her family, her husband, her children, her coworkers, her friends....like dominos falling one by one, as the word of her death saturated her community, the pain was unbearable.
Too young, just finishing graduate school, just secured a job as a Rehab Counsellor. What happened, how did it unfold, so many unanswered questions that still haunt all of us today. We may never know what happened and all of us who were close to her spend tortuous amounts of time trying to figure it out.

Finding closure. We are all still seeking peace and closure about Julie. On this Labor Day weekend, which marks five years since her arrival to be with Jesus, we can celebrate her life and be so thankful that God gave us the GIFT of Julianne Marie Hendricks Lee; she brought Lindsey and Warren into the world, she touched countless lives with her joy and love, she was a wife, mother, sister, friend, counsellor. She exemplified Christ with her unconditional love .
Love you,sister, miss you. I believe you left us each better persons, just by having known and loved you.

Blessings,
Joanne

Sending Julie our messages.....

The Beauty of Girls........

I grew up with sisters, 3 of them & we were so close and still are. I always wanted a daughter and I am blessed with my beautiful Morgan. I am equally blessed with 2 sons, but this post is about girls....I have been spending time with Morgan and my niece Rhenabeth the last few weeks. They look like sisters and have warmed my heart with their unabashed affection and zest for life. We've hardly spent a dime, yet I have felt richly lavished with joy, laughter, a sense of fashion and wonderment. They make life fun and of course capture every moment of it with pictures and comments written on facebook. How they have taught me through their eyes and ways how to embrace each moment and be spontaneous. Yesderday, as I led them through college campuses in the sweltering Charleston heat, they did not complain, not once; instead they smiled, giggled, took pictures, asked questions and commented on the campuses, the beauty of the rod iron gates and architecture of College of Charleston. We window shopped in the high fashion shops on King Street, they played on the expensive software at the Apple Store and savored a simple salad and pizza at the Mellow Mushroom. Although I set out ready to educate them on colleges, as the day progressed, I was the one who received an education: I saw the simple pleasures through their eyes, I tasted pizza again, I saw the power of a smile,I felt the warmth of a hug, I saw the colors of fashion, I heard sound of laughter in the heat, the faces of two beautiful young girls with an entire world of opportunities and experiences waiting for them to dive into. Enjoy the pictures and bask in the glow of their smiles,
Blessings,
Joanne

Mother's Day 2011

I  don't ever remember not wanting to be  a mother; I always knew I wanted to have children. I was, however, not prepared emotionally for what happened when I did become a mother: I became overwhelmed and flooded with memories of my own broken, difficult childhood. I had so many doubts: how could I raise a family without having had a model of a "normal family" to follow? How could I overcome a life of poverty, mental illness and constant struggles to make a peaceful happy home for my own family? I quickly realized, I could not, but God could! I prayed so much and still do, and of course, God began to put amazing mothers into my life, to lead me, guide me & "model" for me. Myy oldest sister, Julie, who died in September 2006, and I shared being pregnant with our daughters, they were actually born 5 days apart. We shared our symptoms, she talked almost daily about our pregnancy, then, of course our baby girls. We didn't even change formulas without talking. It was the kind of closeness that you only get to experience rarely, but the warmth stays with you for a life time. I miss Julie and I cherish those days and credit much of her support for helping me transistion to motherhood....and here they are together when they were so young!

 Jeannie, my sister that is 19 months older than me is an important mother in my life. She struggled with not being able to become pregnant, as the other sisters were having babies. She rejoiced each time with us, I know it had to be painful to her, but she still rejoiced with our good news. Then, God blessed her and Jerry with 2 beautiful children through adoption. My heart overflowed with joy for them! and Jeannie & I have shared such a bond as mothers together raising our children....

 The cousins are all so close & make our lives so full......

My sister Cathy, with whom I went through all of my pregnancies with, because we both have 2 boys and a girl and our children are so close in age. We have kept in constant touch raising our families & making sure our children have plenty of time to spend together, even "swapping kids" in the summers. And Adele, my sister in law and I have been close. She is an amazing mother to her 3 and I have learned so much from her.

of course, and so importantly, my own mom, who despite the most difficult, poverty strickand situation, remained strong and did everything she could to teach us about God, life, family.....

And  then God blessed me again, with Gayle, my mother in law who is really like a "mom" to me. She has taught me to be patient, and to try to see the best in everyone. It is amazing how when we put down our burdens and let God pick them up for us, He does more than we could ask for, more than we expected. I am not even close to being a perfect mother, but I know God is leading me every step of the way & I have found complete joy in motherhood. To all the mothers who have mentored me, thank you, to those who need mentoring, ASK and God will put wonderful people in your path, for those who have lost children or lost their mothers, my deepest sympathy, and to all.....be thankful for this day!

Joanne

Teen years

Raising girls......

and boys......

looking back.....

& moving forward..

teens young, full of energy and ideas. Ready to conquer the world. Thinking that the adults know nothing about growing up, ironically, just like we thought when we were teens.Children on the brink of adulthood, yet in so many ways still naiive, still so young and inexperienced. I love their energy and independence. I love watching them learn to drive, signing up for electives in school that reflect their interests & personalities. The way they photograph every moment, feast on marshmellow fluff, go on youth group trips, and live life to the fullest.Sure it is a struggle some days, staying up until they get home safely, praying they make good decisions, planning for their futures....but I will take it anyday over diapers, temper tantrums and getting up in the middle of the night....i try to embrace and celebrate every stage with my children. sometimes i fail misserably, other days i live in the moment and enjoy it trememdously. each day i try to remind myself to wipe the slate clean, start new, remember that growing up

moving forward

and

letting....

go....

is part ot the journey

Michael turned 11 years old on February 10th. I cannot believe the youngest is going to middle school in September! He is still the same happy little guy who plays outside all day and loves life. He had the same birthday party he has had in the past:: Meet the Bulldogs at the Citadel. Free hotdogs, free soft drinks and watch a scrimage - what more could we ask for? And he went kayacking with his dad too. He loves to go out to the harbor. It is so beautiful. OH, and how could I forget, a family dinner at Outback Steak House where we had the BEST hostess ever seat us: his sister Morgan of course!

Sisters, and second chances

Me and my sisters (miss you Julie)

Last year, when my sister Jeannie came in town, we had a heart to heart sister talk. Not unusual for us; we have always had a deep close relationship. I confided in her that I had always felt sad at Christmas time, all my life from my earliest memory of the holiday. Sure, every year I shopped, baked, decorated, smiled, sang and laughed with my family, however, there was a deep rooted feeling of sadness in my heart. We looked back together over the holiday memories when we were growing up. We unleashed painful memories of a poor family, a mentally ill father who was often at his worst during Christmas, of
a mother who tried to build traditions,give gifts on a meager budget, of cold nights without heat and long days without transportation. She allowed the raw pain and bitterness to be expressed without guilt, without judging. She told me to imagine the Christmas I would have wanted to be given, and create it for myself, for my children and family. I let go of all the pain, all the guilt, all the bitterness that year and started over; for myself, for my family, for all who have ever lived with the hardship that having a family member with severe mental illness have endured. I let Christ come and pour His light into my life. So this Christmas season is monumental for me; I am free for the first time and truly happy this season. I am praying for those who are lonely, sick or in any pain. I know the liberation healing the soul can bring and now I am praying for this healing to reach out to others...

My sisters and I have always been close, interwoven into each others lives, drawing strength from each other. I am not surprised that a sister was able to open my heart to Christmas. It is never too late to heal, it is never to late to start over, maybe that is what the birth of Jesus has shown me....second chances

So here we are on Christmas Eve at T Bonz, feasting, laughing and enjoying life after church. Here is my new life with Bruce and our beautiful children. I am thankful, so thankful...

Enjoy the holiday

Joanne

Finding joy in the journey......

Do you ever think about the journey? the journey of life, the journey of a family raising children? I do, alot. I think about this journey that Bruce & I are on raising our 3 together, with all the laundry, the food and driving. I think about how to make sure every single day to find joy in this journey. I am not talking about anything expensive, or complicated. I am referring to simple joy, small things that we experience with the children that jump out at me when least expected and bring that warm joy.

Here are a few of my joyful moments recently:

I love love love to read aloud to children, any children. Michael still will ask for me to do this and I read chapter books with him most nights. One night recently after we read, we started talking. He took me on a journey through his school day. He asked me to take him through my day. After we talked/listened to each other he said he wanted to know if we could talk like this again tomorrow night. So begins the pillow talks.....

Morgan was working a couple of weekends ago. She was feeling a little under the weather. She called me from work and told me she felt terrible. I decided to go get her so she wouldn't have to drive home feeling so poorly. I made her hot tea with honey and picked her up. She got in the car, letting me know that she was able to drive herself home, sipped on the tea, then silence. I glanced over and she had taken the blanket I had packed and curled up, she was sound asleep and stayed that way the entire way home. Everyone needs to be taken care of, to be pampered when they are sick. Sometimes as we all get a little older, the only time we will accept caregiving is in the face of an illness.

Joy...Matthew decided to sand down his old guitar and repaint it. He sanded for weeks, bought the paint and did a beautiful job painting it. That is until all the paint began peeling off. He forgot to prime it. So...back to lowes, days of sanding, days of priming, painting, applying paint tape, and finally the masterpiece. He had worked hard. Twice. It turned out wonderfully. He took it to the guitar center to get a pic guard, one of the employees made his day. He told Matt that if he continued to customize guitars, he would be very successful one day.

Joy, simple small things bring so much joy along our journey. Usually the ordinary days, doing ordinary tasks bring about the unexpected feelings of warmth and joy in our lives.