Time....

Time is measured in such small increments. I seldom stop to think about its passing. I am too preoccupied with other things. I drive to school every day and can hardly recall the drive. This week as I was driving over the James Island connector, like I do every morning, I looked out over the expanse of the marsh. The marsh has turned it's winter color: brown. I call it "spun gold" because when the sun hits it, it is golden. I could not believe the change had escaped my notice. I love the marsh and I love to notice how it looks different in each season, and in different lights.

Have you ever thought you are handling life well, so well, then look back and realize you were not. Realizing you were coming unravelled; a slow unravelling, so slowly one is hardly aware of it? That describes my holiday...I am sharing the pictures. They look so normal. The same decorations as always, the same traditions, smiles, warmth, even laughter. I did feel so many of the normal happy emotions, however, I also felt the weight of the world, trying to create a Christmas holiday that will be remembered. The most subtle difference, for myself and for Bruce, is that it seems time is standing still. We are hanging in the balance of waiting for the "final touches" of the treatment. Hanging on hope, waiting for the surgery date, waiting on the word that we can resume our normal life, our normal pace, and time will begin to move again, in a pace we perceive as the "norm".

And how is Bruce? how are all of us? We are just like you all. Some days we are laughing and happy, some days Bruce and I are frustrated and argumentive, some days we feel close, & some days we feel worlds apart. Tonight I went outside to let the dog out. I was standing on the patio, enjoying the cool breeze. I glimpsed into the window of the den. It was breath taking: a fire burned in the fireplace, Matt curled on the couch listening to his Ipod, Bruce & Michael playing a game of chess. Upstairs the windows illuminated soft light and I know Morgan is curled up on the cough, watching TV, painting her nails and chatting with friends in her "den". Breathtaking...because every day, everyday life with a family, is a blessing. YOUR prayers, words, concern, and care of our family GIVE us these moments. Give us these small increments of time that erase all the arguments, the stress and the doubts.

Joanne