I feel so for Bruce, he has such a complicated surgery ahead. February 16th is the date. We spent 8 hours today at MUSC getting all the information and meeting with all the new doctors and health care professionals in our lives. Persons who were complete strangers only yesterday, are in charge of our future today. I asked the question, you know the taboo question today of Dr. Esnaola. I asked him if by June Bruce & I would be back out on the boat without a care in the world?? I know it is crazy, but we really want to turn back time, we really want to be floating around in the harbor watching the sunset....but Dr Esnaola's answer was "we just have to take it one step at a time" He doesn't know that I am impatient, that Bruce is the patient one. February 16th Bruce will enter the OR with the best surgical oncology team in the southeast. They will work for many hours to remove the tumor and any cancerous tissue. They will be guided by God and will probably not ever know all the prayers that have taken us to this point. They will use their talents and skill, they will give Bruce the best possible chance of becoming cancer free. Dr Esnaola assured us he will take out what is necessary, no more, no less. More chemotherapy? Yes, most likely. But this, I know, WE WILL be back out on the water this summer, watching the sunset. We will, and we hope we will be celebrating the healing power of God.

Bridges

For so many years, I worked "shifts" as a hospital nurse. Dealing with life & death, with tradgedy and triumphs...at the end of my shift, I came home. Like closing a book, it was so easy to leave, then the next day pick it up again and begin another chapter. Now my "shift" is long and seemingly never over, each day spilling into the next and the next. I no longer work shifts, now I am on a continuim with Bruce, of  intervals of tests, procedures, treatments, surgery. We go to work, we go about our daily routines, and we await the next "staging" of treatment.

How does it all get done? How do our children continue to thrive, to study, to persue their dreams and goals? Every need, every time I pray for a way, God puts someone in our path to provide. Each one of you, who are taking the time to read my thoughts and feelings, YOU have met a particular need of ours at some point in time; maybe without even knowing it. The batting practice provided by Lance for Matthew, the bat loaned to him by Baylor, the access to a washer & dryer by my sister in law when mine broke, the meals cooked by my friends and co-workers, the cards sent by out of town relatives with written words of encouragement, the free use of a Cello for Michael from his strings teacher, the dinner brought over by the high school friends of Morgan's, I cannot even write down all that has been done for us,it would take pages and pages . Bridges have been built, relationships have deepened, we have been humbled, and we have been provided for in so many ways.

I have always found it hard to accept or ask for help. Maybe it was pride, I am not sure. Now I have had to humble myself and ask for myself, for Bruce & for my children. I grew up thinking poverty was the biggest obstacle in my life, and thinking if only I had the money to get what I needed, life would be complete. God has shown me that what we need is to rely on each other. All the money in the world does not buy health, does not buy time, does not buy happiness. My prayer is that others, will rely on our family, as well, and not be afraid to ask US to help, to share, to provide. Building bridges is about crossing over, not in one direction, but back & forth, until it becomes a well worn path. That is friendship, that is family, that is faith.

Humbly yours,

Joanne

Time....

Time is measured in such small increments. I seldom stop to think about its passing. I am too preoccupied with other things. I drive to school every day and can hardly recall the drive. This week as I was driving over the James Island connector, like I do every morning, I looked out over the expanse of the marsh. The marsh has turned it's winter color: brown. I call it "spun gold" because when the sun hits it, it is golden. I could not believe the change had escaped my notice. I love the marsh and I love to notice how it looks different in each season, and in different lights.

Have you ever thought you are handling life well, so well, then look back and realize you were not. Realizing you were coming unravelled; a slow unravelling, so slowly one is hardly aware of it? That describes my holiday...I am sharing the pictures. They look so normal. The same decorations as always, the same traditions, smiles, warmth, even laughter. I did feel so many of the normal happy emotions, however, I also felt the weight of the world, trying to create a Christmas holiday that will be remembered. The most subtle difference, for myself and for Bruce, is that it seems time is standing still. We are hanging in the balance of waiting for the "final touches" of the treatment. Hanging on hope, waiting for the surgery date, waiting on the word that we can resume our normal life, our normal pace, and time will begin to move again, in a pace we perceive as the "norm".

And how is Bruce? how are all of us? We are just like you all. Some days we are laughing and happy, some days Bruce and I are frustrated and argumentive, some days we feel close, & some days we feel worlds apart. Tonight I went outside to let the dog out. I was standing on the patio, enjoying the cool breeze. I glimpsed into the window of the den. It was breath taking: a fire burned in the fireplace, Matt curled on the couch listening to his Ipod, Bruce & Michael playing a game of chess. Upstairs the windows illuminated soft light and I know Morgan is curled up on the cough, watching TV, painting her nails and chatting with friends in her "den". Breathtaking...because every day, everyday life with a family, is a blessing. YOUR prayers, words, concern, and care of our family GIVE us these moments. Give us these small increments of time that erase all the arguments, the stress and the doubts.

Joanne